#Original alpha bits cereal serial#
#Original alpha bits cereal full#

Sorry to be blunt, but New and Improved Alpha-Bits is a downgrade in every way. This box looks like it belongs in a Highlights magazine in a dentist’s waiting room, and that’s a high compliment.īut unfortunately, the compliments stop there. It feels like a nostalgic throwback to Alpha-Bits’ more adventurous days, complete with ambiguous kid mascots, nautical nonsense, and a trusty canine companion. The packaging starts me off on a high note, though. This means the new stuff has higher standards to live up to-hey Mark Twain: can you revive what isn’t dead? Though it would probably end up looking like an “infinite monkeys eating breakfast at infinite typewriters” situation. I wouldn’t eat this stuff regularly, but call me crazy, if I had a wee lad or lassie of my own, I’d probably feed them this stuff instead of those blasé Cheerios.Īt least that way my kiddo could spell real words with their cereal instead of spooky ghost noises. In milk it’s even better, as the savory oats shine a little butterier, throwing Lucky Charms into this strange oat cereal family tree. “A Corn Pop that went to Harvard” might also be a fair descriptor. With an equally crispy and satisfyingly soft crunch, a pretty robust whole grain oat base (though not a golden-toasted one), and a faint touch of floral honey sweetness, old Alpha-Bits is halfway between a plain Cheerio and Post’s Honeycomb. Eating it now, though, I think the rumors of Alpha-Bits’ demise were greatly exaggerated: the wide-eyed Super Why! packaging may leave me wondering, well, “super why the heck would they do this?” but this stuff still tastes pretty good.

#Original alpha bits cereal serial#

I may be a kid at heart, but that inner child is aged roughly 8–10, not the 4-year old serial cereal drooler who appears to be the target audience of Alpha-Bits’ young’n-friendly packaging.Įven though I always chose totally mature, grown-up cereals like Cookie Crisp and Reese’s Puffs over Alpha-Bits, I still heard the recent public outcry about Alpha-Bits tasting terrible compared to its pre-Y2K flavor formula. In all honesty, I haven’t tasted Alpha-Bits in years.

As a designated cereal emissary of the year 2017, I’m here to tell you whether Alpha-Bits actually followed through on their “new year, new me” promise, or if they’re just “new meh.”īut in order to answer this, I first have to dive into some “old” Alpha-Bits, which are still easy to find on shelves. This revamped cereal revolution all started in 2017, as Cocoa Puffs, Krave, Honeycomb, and yes, Alpha-Bits, made a big hullaballoo about self-improvement. Some also say that spiking a drop of blood into your morning bowl of Alpha-Bits will make them reveal the universe’s existential secrets. Cinnamon Toast Crunch just contains packets of wheat seeds, yeast, and cinnamon, with instructions for growing, harvesting, and baking your own miniature cinnamon toast.Īs for Alpha-Bits? They now contain the letters of every alphabet, from English and Cyrillic to Egyptian hieroglyphics, Klingon, and whatever language the Bionicles spoke.

#Original alpha bits cereal full#

Waffle Crisp is now just a box full of freeze-dried Belgian waffles-and the bag is made of intelligent, gelatinous maple syrup that can gain sentience when stored in certain climates. Instead, every old brand keeps releasing “New and Improved” versions that buff their old selves with unnecessary flavor and cosmetic improvements.įroot Loops now contains “100% more Froot Jooce” and comes in colors only visible to the hyper-photoreceptive mantis shrimp.